What is it you need after you have spoken to them?

What is it you need after you have spoken to them?

What is really important to know is that you can’t control what your chosen person does with the information you have shared with them. But maybe you could ask for what you need.

• Do you want them to give you a hug?
• Do you want the information to be shared with others? Some people find it easier for the person you have told to share the information with other family members, school etc. But remember if your conversation is with a ‘professional’ they will have policies they have to follow.
• Do you want them to say nothing? Be mindful however that this isn’t always possible as it can be really scary to hear someone you care about is hurting themselves. They may feel they have to share what you have told them because they want you to be safe.
• Do you want them to give you advice? It’s possible that they will want you to stop the self-harming and may overwhelm you with advice and suggestions to stop self-harming. Prepare yourself to explain that whilst you appreciate that they care about you what would be most helpful to you would be (whatever it is you want) I.e. for them to keep listening and be there for you or go to be with you when you tell a parent or health professional.
• How do you want them to behave around you? Self-harm can be hard to understand and many people will fear that if you are self-harming then you ‘must be’ suicidal. They may feel overprotective, nervous, or panicky around you. Be prepared to explain to them how you are keeping yourself safe and what you will do if your thoughts do turn to suicide.

Looking after yourself afterwards

It’s so important that you look after yourself after such a hard conversation. Whether that’s having a bath, listening to some music, watching funny YouTube clips, plan to look after yourself.

If it went well or better than you expected, then allow yourself to feel good.

If it didn’t go so well, don’t be disheartened. One thing you mustn’t do is blame yourself for someone else’s reaction; that’s their stuff. It’s a lot to hear about someone you care about. They may need some time.

It’s possible that you may need to find someone else to talk to and that is always ok. Think of todays conversation as a practice run and be proud of yourself for asking for help or opening up.